I see vulnerability as a quality that allows openness and transparency to others. The vulnerable are those who wear hearts on sleeves and tears on display. Some aspects of life are easier to be transparent about in a society that sculpts and shapes their digital life and persona to match the ideal. I don’t want others to misunderstand who I am because they only see what’s on display. But there’s so much more going on inside our minds and lives right?
So…this is me vulnerable. This morning I felt God challenge me to be vulnerable in a completely unexpected way. I was spending time in worship and was prompted to display this time through my blog. If you watch on, you will notice that there are less than perfect moments as I’m worshipping. Along the way I’m smirking because I realise that this recording, with all its flaws and imperfection is the one that God wants me to put up for all to see.
And I’m fighting the urge to stop recording and start again.
This worship, though flawed is an acceptable offering to God, I’m giving Him what matters regardless of the mistakes. It’s my heart, sold out to him that is pleasing. Not the quality of my piano playing (self taught amateur) or the cracks in my voice or whether I’m in tune. He wants His opinion to matter most to me and that’s what I want too.
I’m working on it; this transparency thing. I am flawed. I make mistakes. I suck at admitting I’m wrong to my children. I don’t always do what I say I’m going to do. I give up too easily sometimes. I’m really bad at failing, sometimes it means I don’t begin at all. But it’s ok…I have a saviour who is my sufficiency, he who knows the worst and the best of me and in the end, that’s what is most important.
God can use a heart yielded to him. No matter how many times it takes, I’m gonna keep fighting for that.
Enjoy the chaos, click here to view.